It's Baack

It's back! Let the train-wrecking begin!

The trainwreck known as Celebrity Apprentice is back ... and I couldn't be happier. Last night, kicked off in its usual style with the men versus the women. The women named their team Forte (because it means strength) and selected former model Patricia Velasquez as their first team manager. The men, known as Unanimous (because they all get along ... for now) selected American Chopper's Paul Teutul Sr with his impressively scary handlebar mustache as their first project manager.

The task, you ask? To take over a Cafe Metro, make some sandwiches and make as much money as possible. Since with celebrities, it's all about bringing in the big donors, everyone took to the phones to line up the money makers. Well, at least that's what the ladies did (with the exception of Victoria Gotti who was making a bunch of personal calls). Over at Team Unanimous, Paul said he could easily bring in half a million dollars and the guys pretty much counted on him to do that.

So, while the women were making calls, the men focused on making the sandwiches, all called Choppers after Paul's show (turkey choppers, roast beef choppers ... ). The women decide to create a VIP exeprience complete with the red carpet and velvet rope.

It looks as if the women have the edge they have donors like Wyclef and Russell Simmons dropping by and the guys have a lot of activity outside the event with Penn Teller juggling fire, a bunch of choppers outside and a lot of commotion but not a lot of people going inside.

Then The Donald calls and sends team reps over to The Rachael Ray Show to taste test the sandwiches and donate $35,000 to the tastiest one.

In the boardroom, we find that she enjoyed Unanimous's sandwich best, putting them over the top. The guys win it. Back in the boardroom, it ends up with Patricia, Cheryl Tiegs and Victoria Gotti (who had showed up late to the event because of an eye problem).

Cheryl actually backed out saying she didn't think the show was for her. Well, judging by the deer-in-the-headlights look she had during most of the episode, she was right. Hell, the woman couldn't put slices of cheese on a plate!

Other high/low lights:

• Maybe its because I'm 43 and I couldn't give a rat's ass about P. Diddy/Puffy/Sean Combs or anything that's been on MTV in the past 20 years, but I didn't know who Aubrey O'Day was. Apparently, she is the former lead singer of Diddy's group Dannity Kane. Well, little Miss O'Day has a very big opinion of herself, time will tell if she can back it up but as for now, I doubt it. She has bright red hair and big vacant eyes. She kind of scares me.
• Speaking of scary, I just got a new big HD television and it showed all of these women in gory detail - pores, wrinkles, everything! When the women were in the boardroom, I didn't know if I was watching Celebrity Apprentice or The Walking Dead. Thank goodness, I didn't have this TV when Joan Rivers was on!
• Clay Aiken is a bitch and I can tell he's going to be a diva already.
• Commedianne Lisa Lampanelli introduced herself as "the only black woman" in the competition. Sorry, girlfriend, you can s**k and f**k as many black men as you want and it will never make you a black woman. NEVER.