Friday, January 14, 2011
I Told Ya!
Season of the Witch (Nicholas Cage) 4%
"Season of the Witch is as bloodless as a starved vampire. Instead of a review, it deserves a stake in the heart."
Pete Travers, Rolling Stone
"It's The Seventh Seal meets Get Him to the Greek meets Lord of the Rings as if filtered through Uwe Boll's hack-tastic brain. "
Jen Yamato, Movies.com
"Did they really say "I've saved your ass" in medieval Europe?"
Allan Hunter, Daily Express
The Green Hornet (Seth Rogen) 44%
"At least Seth Rogen has the good sense to wear a mask for much of The Green Hornet. If I'd made this movie, I'd want to hide my face too."
Kevin Williamson, Jam Movies
"A big, sloppy, loud, grating mess of a movie."
Adam Graham, Detroit News
"Here's a 3-D movie that should have been shot in Zero-D."
Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor
The best part about reviewing bad movies is writing the reviews. It's actually fun ... which kind of makes up for the pain of having to sit through two hours of horrific drivel in the first place.
So tomorrow, I will be seeing The Dilemma with Vince Vaughn, Kevin James and Winona Ryder. Right now, it's at 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. With any luck, I'll be adding my (hopefully) witty two cents to such rave reviews as...
"This isn't a date movie... unless it's a blind date that you realized you didn't like during dinner and want to ensure there will be no second date."
Kevin Carr, 7M Pictures
"A very poor effort from a talented group of people, this is a terrible movie wrapped in a glossy package."
Leremy Legel, Film.com
Come back tomorrow and see what I thought about The Dilemma.