Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Movie Graveyard

January: Where bad movies go to die.
 January. Where bad movies go to be released.

Producers save the blockbusters for summer (actually, they start now in the spring). Adult movies primed for awards season come out in the fall. Of course, a lot of the big family films and a few big movies are held over for the holiday.

But January? January is reserved for the movies no one really wants to see. When I was writing movie reviews for my old site, I looked to January with a mix of dread and anticipation. I dreaded the litany of bad movies I would inevitably sit through, but I enjoyed writing reviews for really crappy movies (I know that's a little sadistic but it is what it is).

So what do we have to look forward to this January?

The Devil Inside: (January 6) Just when you've thought we've seen every angle on exorcisms, here comes another one.Twenty years after her mother brutally slaughtered three people, her daughter wants to know if her mother is criminally insane or demonical possessed? Expect lots of creepy priests and painfully twisted torsos because you know demons love to contort bodies. Oh, and they want  you to believe this is based on a true story. It isn't.

Joyful Noise: (January 13) Queen Latifah has her hits and her misses and I think you know which one I think this is. It co-stars Dolly Parton. Has she been in a decent movie since 9-5 thirty years ago? Anyway, this one is all about the singing (or should I say the sangin'). It even says so on the poster! Of course, it's all about winning the national choir competition. Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton are at odds over which direction the choir should take. Complicating matters is their offspring who have sparks of a different kind going on between them.

Contraband: (January 13) Mark Wahlberg thought he left his criminal past behind him but his brother-in-law is pulling him back in for one final run!

Red Tails: (January 20) It's the story of the Tuskeegee Airman featuring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terrence Howard. The January release date worries me ... it really worries me.

The Grey: (January 27) A plane crashes in the Alaskan wilderness. Man against man. Man against nature. Man against wolves. Hopefully, man doesn't eat man.That's just gross.

Man on a Ledge: (January 27) It's about a man on a ledge.

One for the Money: (January 27) Katherine Heigl plays a cute lingerie saleswoman turned bail bondsman who has to bring in the one who broke her heart. (roll eyes)

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