Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Celebrity Apprentice: Pipping Hot Mess Edition

"Yeah Star, I said your brain was fat.
I know it didn't make a lick of sense
but I'm in the middle of a rant and you
can't expect me to stop and make sense!"
The way Team ASAP treated LaToya was a mess. Dionne Warwick was a nasty old hot mess. But Nene Leakes? When Nene Leakes took on Star Jones, before the task even began, she was a pipping hot, boiling over, steaming cauldron of ghetto messiness.
The task for this week was for each groups to put on a hair show. Farouk Shami, the executive of the week, was a cute little animated guy with enough fashion chutzpah to wear red boots. He was adorable. But a hair show? Really? The guys were clueless. In fact, Meat Loaf and Lil Jon did Rock, Paper Scissors to figure out who'd be project manager. Lil Jon lost.

For the girls, Nene stepped up ... at Star's suggestion (or insistence). Nene felt that Star was being 'strategic' and trying to get Nene kicked off. And that's where it all started. Right in front of Donald, Ivana, Erik and Farouk, she went the hell off.

She called Star a fat evil lady and even accused her brain of being fat! Huh? She told Star she needed to be ready with her ‘street game.’ The only retort Star could come up with was a weak, "This isn't the Atlanta housewives." Then, Star tried to walk away, Nene followed right on her heels. Even though most of her wrath was reserved for Star, Marlee and Hope didn’t escape unscathed. Nene went after them for not standing up to Star.

I guess what was most shocking about all this ranting and raving was that it seemed to just go on and on forever, and in front of friendly little Farouk. It seemed that Nene was NEVER going to just shut up. In the aftermath, the women had to figure out how to work together with emotions running high and lots of feelings hurt.

But the show ... the hair show ... must go on.

After talking with Farouk, who emphasized that his products are safe and made in America, Lil Jon went with a Living in America theme that would feature hairstyles from regions around the country. Then John Rich had the brilliant idea to call up former Team ASAP member Nikki Taylor and ask her to participate in the show. They called and she agreed!

Meat Loaf must have eaten some bad meat loaf because it seems as if he spent half of the task holed up in the bathroom.

Meanwhile, a blast from the recent past appeared in Donald Trump’s office. It was La Toya Jackson! She blamed her firing on the fact that she had lost her voice and wanted a chance to work with the guys and ‘prove herself’. Donald said he would give her an answer in 24 hours.

Over at Team ASAP, Nene got the girls to channel their inner Willow Smith by whipping their hair back and forth. Why, you ask? Well, the theme Nene came up with was Shake Your Beauty. And Hope would model, although as Hope said, she really wasn’t a model. I can see where she was coming from. She’s a centerfold and a Playmate, not a lot of runway walking in that job description (not much of anything in that job description).

When Nikki Taylor showed up, the girls were not too happy at all … especially Star who was on ‘graphics’ again, or more accurately, on PowerPoint again. She acts like PowerPoint is the most difficult application ever. Having taught Microsoft products, it’s, hands-down, the easiest application to use and master. Once again, Star needs to get over herself.

Both hair shows were okay. Lil Jon got it started for Backbone and kept the energy up. Nene wasn’t so polished but she had some nice dancers to kick things off. The only thing worse than Nene’s MC-ing was Hope’s attempt to walk the runway. It was bizarre. It reminded me of one of those stop-animation cartoons where I stiff puppet comes to life. The body of a goddess. The moves of Pinnocchio. Not a good combination.

It wasn’t hard to figure out that the guys won it again. And then using Jose Conesco’s departure as a reason, he brought La Toya back in as the newest member of Team Backbone. They seemed to welcome her with open arms but we’ll see how things go next week.

And, … just before things started getting good in the boardroom, President Obama gave Donald Trump his comeuppance. He preempted the end of Celebrity Apprentice to give us the very good news that we’d finally taken out Osama Bin Laden. Yes, Obama trumped Trump.

I did find out however, that Nene lived to rant and rail another week, while Hope and her little bunny ears took the long drive to nowhere in the cab.

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