Decisions! Decisions!

All of the sudden, Sunday night has gotten really busy. It used to be Once Upon a Time and that was about it (I gave up on Desperate Housewives a few seasons ago). Then came Celebrity Apprentice which rounded out my Sunday TV watching.

Then, things got busy … really busy.

I started watching GCB and thought it was a lot of fun. However, I had to DVR it because it competed with the second hour of Celebrity Apprentice. Then, AMC threw in another twist. They brought back Mad Men – that used to be a late summer, early fall show. I love Mad Men but felt I should probably DVR it. I want to have the ability to play certain scenes back. And, if that wasn’t bad enough, they launched the second season of The Killing last night. Goodness Gracious! Now, I have to find the time to watch all my Sunday shows before the next Sunday!

Monday night is pretty easy from the DVR perspective. I have The Voice from 8:00 – 10:00 and then ..., it used to be Castle but now it’s Smash. I DVR Castle. I feel sort of guilty about that, but I’m in that music mood from The Voice and Smash just makes sense.

I have to say, it’s nice to actually have several good shows worth watching.

Celebrity Apprentice: Big Lou's Debut!

Lou proves that masculine
men can mop. I do question
the apron though...

After weeks of being maligned, Lou Ferrigno finally stepped up to the plate as project manager. The task wasn’t tailor made for the big guy but he was up for the challenge. O Cedar challenged Forte and Unanimous to create viral videos for their new mop. For Forte, Tia Carrere stepped up.

Here are 5 things I gleaned from this episode:

1. Clay Aiken has some kahunas. He actually defended Lou and accused his other teammates of wanting him to fail (which they did). He then confronted Penn Teller and called him on his ‘condescending attitude.’ I’m not sure I think Penn is condescending (see next point) but I didn’t expect Aiken to be the one to step up and say anything about anyone. Kudos to him.
   
2. Poor Penn. He is good. Really good. And I think the guys know it and I think they are intimidated by it. I don’t think that makes him condescending. I have him pegged to win it all. And I think the guys see that too. He’s the only one who actually seems to bring some thought and strategy to the tasks.
   
3. I am now convinced that Arsenic is wearing lipstick. I now want to know why.
   
4. Aubrey O’Day. Oh Brother! The ego on that chick is unreal and to call people, especially other women, out on their age was below a low blow. She has been a good team player and a creative contributor but her ego will be her downfall. The sad/funny/ironic thing is that she won’t realize it. She’ll be driving off in that limo talking about how awesome she was and how all the ‘old’ women couldn’t compete with her. Whatever! Mark my words, it will happen.
   
5. Sword throwing needs to be disallowed. Last week, Adam Carolla threw himself on the sword and pretty much gave up and, of course, was fired. This week, Tia Carerre did it. It isn’t noble. It’s cowardly. This is a competition. Compete!

Celebrity Apprentice - Week 3: Window Dressing

Beam him up!

We entered last night’s episode’s with the ladies of team Forte coming off of a two-game losing streak. This task was tailor made for the girls. Both teams had to design two window displays featuring live models that showcased Ivanka Trump’s line of clothing and accessories.

Team Unanimous were unanimous that none of their members knew a thing about fashion (except maybe Arsenio … but, then again, not really). When George Takei stepped up as the Project Manager, the countdown started, because his ride in the fateful limo was imminent.

Arsenio claimed to know how to dress the ladies. Their two displays were supposed to show how Ivanka’s line could go from day to night. However, he selected a bunch of work-looking clothes for the night scene. Basically, they looked like they went from day to night without having time to change.

Penn Teller is a relentlessly rude and condescending atheist and I can’t stand him for that. However, I’m liking him more and more each week on this show. He had a great idea to use twins for the day to night displays. In a word: genius.

Debbie Gibson is two years younger than me. Yet, I am horrified by how haggard she looks on an HDTV. When they were selecting who among the team members who would be featured in the displays, she was kind of upset that they didn’t choose her. Really? Let’s see, you have a supermodel, a former Miss Universe, and a young singer within the right demographic and she actually thought she had a chance. Ha!

Poor George. He just didn’t know what to do. He spent a lot of time just standing around. He never went over to check on the guys that were building the display. And, when he had to explain his display to Ivanka and the other judge, he was so tongue-tied he couldn’t even remember Clay Aiken’s name.

Speaking of Clay, every time I look at him, I’m confused. He had to have had some work done but I can’t put my finger on it. That, and the fact that he should never have facial hair, it’s not a good look. Never, never, never!

I am also still thinking that Arsenio is wearing lipstick. From a couple of shots, he seemed like it might have been the color of his lips, then in other shots it looked like he had on full lipstick (and not just a chap stick). It’s an enigma.

Shout out to Dee Snider. He had surgery on his finger and still came back. He didn’t do much (besides have surgery) but he didn’t quit and that is saying something. Tragically, the guys could have used his input on dressing women.

Of course, the ladies won and Takei is history. 

Celebrity Apprentice: Week 2 - Gettin' Medieval!

The very metrosexual Arsenio Hall

I don't really want to recap the episode. It takes to long and frankly there are other sites that do it better. However, I do want to leave you with some of my impressions. So let's cut to the chase. 

The task involved creating a show for Medieval Times. Unanimous (the men’s team) chose Penn Teller as the project manager. The ladies of team Forte selected Lisa Lampanelli as their project manager. The guys won. Yet last night’s episode left me with a lot of questions.

1.      Was Arsenio Hall wearing lipstick? (I swear this bothered me for the entire time the men were in the boardroom)
2.      How did James Lipton of Inside the Actors Studio get picked to judge this task?
3.      Is it me or did Dee Snider make a halfway decent looking woman?
4.      If George Takei is an actor, how come he can’t memorize a couple of lines?
5.      Why did Lisa Lampanelli act like she was teaching kindergarteners (only one person is allowed to speak at a time? Really?)
6.      Why didn’t Penn call Teller? I would have liked to see him in this task.
7.      What did the motorcycle have to do with Medieval Times? It didn’t look that medieval to me.
8.      Exactly how much work has Debbie Gibson had? Aren’t we around the same age?
9.      Is it possible for Aubrey O-Day not to have that shocked somebody-just-ran-up-behind-me-and-shouted-boo look?
10.  Why the hell do I find this show so damn entertaining????

Celebrity Apprentice Gets Rich!

Wanna be the Celebrity Apprentice? It helps
if you bring The Donald a cowboy hat.

Okay, I missed last week's recap. Suffice to say, did anyone think the final two wouldn't come down to Marlee Matlin and John Rich? Lil John acted like he didn't even want to be in the final two and Meat Loaf was just too damn emotional.

The task was to come up with an ad, commercial and concept around 7-Up Retro. Marlee was to base her ad in the 70's with a little help from The Harlem Globetrotters. John Rich had the 80's with Def Leppard. To help them out, several former contestants came back. Team Rich included Lil John, Star Jones and Mark McGrath. Team Matlin had Richard Hatch, LaToya Jackson and Meat Loaf.

Both groups came up with excellent can concepts, both of which will be available soon in a store near you. I enjoyed both commercials as well. Team Matlin had a serious coup when they scored Geoffery Holder for their commercial (the black guy with the white suit and the deep voice that was featured in many of the 7-Up ads in the Seventies). The guys roped in Dee Snider from Twisted Sister for their spot - very 80's.

However, when it comes to executing the event, Team Matlin had the edge. Their event flowed seamlessly and all the members of their team greeted and shmoozed with Trump and the 7-Up execs. Meanwhile, Team Rich didn't greet the VIPs at all. To make matters worse, they started 20 minutes early and Def Leppard hadn't even arrived when John had announced them.

On the bright side, even though this wasn't a fundraising challenge, John Rich managed to collect checks from several participants totalling $275,000. When Marlee Matlin found out about that she was not happy.

However, this was a live 2-hour finale so there was a lot of fluff and reunion mess. To sum it up quickly. Gary Busey is still a nut. Star and Nene still hate each other. The rest of the 'celebs' are still trying to play nice.

If Trump was basing his decision off of this task alone then Marlee had the edge because her event went off without a hitch. Also, if we are looking at body of work, she also raised more money than anyone in Apprentice/Celebrity Apprentice history. Yet, for reasons we may never know, he went with John Rich.

That's okay with me though, because I pegged him to win it all weeks ago and I like to be right!

Celebrity Apprentice: Now That's Some Soggy Meat Loaf!

Man up damn it! My neutered dog
has more cajones!

Three hours of Celebrity Apprentice. Three frickin' hours! Three emotional hours filled with meltdowns and verbal melees. Three ridiculous hours and two tasks: busy, busy, busy!

It all started with some switching of teams. Since Star and Nene simply were not going to get along (when Nene started piping up, I thought we were going to have a repeat of last week’s drama). Meat Loaf moved over to ASAP with Star and Marlee Matlin. Nene went over to Backbone with John Rich, La Toya Jackson and Lil Jon.

The first task was the third fundraising task with both groups asked to put together a comedy show featuring three comedians . They’d have 50 tickets each to raise money. La Toya and Marlee stepped up as project managers.

Nene was beside herself. She felt like Trump was kowtowing to Star by putting them on different teams and, she said, she needed a moment … a really long moment. So she left. She just up and left. She didn’t call her new teammates. She didn’t let them know anything; she just left. So they got busy, calling their tapped out contacts. For a Jackson, La Toya was unimpressive. She couldn’t even get more than a $1,000 from the Hiltons! John Rich pulled in his good friend Jimmy Fallon to perform and he gave a $10,000 donation.

Team ASAP was excited about getting Tracy Morgan to provide a video clip. It turned out to be the lamest, unfunniest video I’ve seen in a long time (and I routinely watch Saturday Night Live so that’s saying something). But the task was about making money which is where Meat Loaf melted down.

If it wasn’t bad enough that he had to pick up a phone and grovel for money, it suddenly occurred to him that if his team lost, he’d end up having to give the money he had raised for his Painted Turtle charity to Marlee’s charity. I swear they must have lost half a day as he boo-hoo’ed about how he didn’t want to gamble away that money. Well, the best way to ensure that didn’t happen was to win which is exactly what Trump told him when he called and asked if he could keep the money regardless of the outcome.

Both shows went well but Jimmy Fallon and his original song Yer Fired, I think, put the guys (and La Toya) over the top. But wait! This is a fundraising challenge and the only really important thing is which team made the most money.

In the boardroom, there were more water works from Meat Loaf. He thought he was going to lose the task and therefore the money for the Turtle kids. In an effort that was just as much about making the tears stop as it was being generous, John Rich offered to match the money Meat Load had raised if ASAP lost. … but they didn’t.

Despite winning and saving the Turtle kids' donations, there were even more water works from Meat Loaf who explained bleary-eyed that Trump and Celebrity Apprentice made him want to be a better man. Nobler words have never been spoken on this show (or probably to Donald Trump). Speaking of ignoble words, Trump had a few for Nene. He called her a quitter and a loser and said Star “kicked your ass.”

After this first task, it came down to La Toya, Jon Rich and Lil Jon. Someone was going home. And just as soon as she came back, La Toya Jackson was out ... again. As she walked to the limo, the sidewalk lit up beneath her, a la Billie Jean. It was a nice touch.

Remember, though, this is the super-sized Celebrity Apprentice so it wasn’t over yet! There was a second task, this one for OnStar to let people know that you can buy an OnStar for your car (even if it isn’t brand spanking new), at Best Buy no less! The teams were tasked with developing a commercial.

This is getting long so I’ll be brief. Meat didn’t cry. Instead he took the lead on the creative. He played a cop obsessed with donuts who helped a hapless Marlee Matlin find her car, while Star provided the voice for OnStar. At the end, all three (Meat, Marlee and Star) sat in a donut shop while a random guy on a skateboard flew by with an OnStar box.

The guys had a simple idea with a few special effects. Lil Jon and two actresses (a housewife and a college student) stood in front of a white backdrop and talked about how having OnStar for their older cars was a life saver.

The executives cringed when ASAP’s commercial made fun of cops. They also cringed when Backbone’s housewife was shown ‘driving’ with no seatbelt!

Anyway, the guys won – meaning the Johns (Rich and Lil) are in the Final Four. In the boardroom, we had one more big blow-out: Meat vs. Star. Meat was all about improv and going without a script. Star wanted a script but wouldn’t push it. Trump sent the three of them out of the boardroom momentarily and that’s when things got ugly.

Star explained that since Meat wasn’t a lawyer, he was not qualified to argue with her. Then she got really upset when he referred to her as ‘Sweetie’. Star started seeing red. Things did not get better in the boardroom where they continued to go after one another. In fact they went all the way to the end until Trump fired Star! I was shocked. I had her pegged for the top two.

her. I’m sure however many people at home lit up at the prospect of a Star-less final four.

Celebrity Apprentice: Pipping Hot Mess Edition



"Yeah Star, I said your brain was fat.
I know it didn't make a lick of sense
but I'm in the middle of a rant and you
can't expect me to stop and make sense!"

The way Team ASAP treated LaToya was a mess. Dionne Warwick was a nasty old hot mess. But Nene Leakes? When Nene Leakes took on Star Jones, before the task even began, she was a pipping hot, boiling over, steaming cauldron of ghetto messiness.
The task for this week was for each groups to put on a hair show. Farouk Shami, the executive of the week, was a cute little animated guy with enough fashion chutzpah to wear red boots. He was adorable. But a hair show? Really? The guys were clueless. In fact, Meat Loaf and Lil Jon did Rock, Paper Scissors to figure out who'd be project manager. Lil Jon lost.

For the girls, Nene stepped up ... at Star's suggestion (or insistence). Nene felt that Star was being 'strategic' and trying to get Nene kicked off. And that's where it all started. Right in front of Donald, Ivana, Erik and Farouk, she went the hell off.

She called Star a fat evil lady and even accused her brain of being fat! Huh? She told Star she needed to be ready with her ‘street game.’ The only retort Star could come up with was a weak, "This isn't the Atlanta housewives." Then, Star tried to walk away, Nene followed right on her heels. Even though most of her wrath was reserved for Star, Marlee and Hope didn’t escape unscathed. Nene went after them for not standing up to Star.

I guess what was most shocking about all this ranting and raving was that it seemed to just go on and on forever, and in front of friendly little Farouk. It seemed that Nene was NEVER going to just shut up. In the aftermath, the women had to figure out how to work together with emotions running high and lots of feelings hurt.

But the show ... the hair show ... must go on.

After talking with Farouk, who emphasized that his products are safe and made in America, Lil Jon went with a Living in America theme that would feature hairstyles from regions around the country. Then John Rich had the brilliant idea to call up former Team ASAP member Nikki Taylor and ask her to participate in the show. They called and she agreed!

Meat Loaf must have eaten some bad meat loaf because it seems as if he spent half of the task holed up in the bathroom.

Meanwhile, a blast from the recent past appeared in Donald Trump’s office. It was La Toya Jackson! She blamed her firing on the fact that she had lost her voice and wanted a chance to work with the guys and ‘prove herself’. Donald said he would give her an answer in 24 hours.

Over at Team ASAP, Nene got the girls to channel their inner Willow Smith by whipping their hair back and forth. Why, you ask? Well, the theme Nene came up with was Shake Your Beauty. And Hope would model, although as Hope said, she really wasn’t a model. I can see where she was coming from. She’s a centerfold and a Playmate, not a lot of runway walking in that job description (not much of anything in that job description).

When Nikki Taylor showed up, the girls were not too happy at all … especially Star who was on ‘graphics’ again, or more accurately, on PowerPoint again. She acts like PowerPoint is the most difficult application ever. Having taught Microsoft products, it’s, hands-down, the easiest application to use and master. Once again, Star needs to get over herself.

Both hair shows were okay. Lil Jon got it started for Backbone and kept the energy up. Nene wasn’t so polished but she had some nice dancers to kick things off. The only thing worse than Nene’s MC-ing was Hope’s attempt to walk the runway. It was bizarre. It reminded me of one of those stop-animation cartoons where I stiff puppet comes to life. The body of a goddess. The moves of Pinnocchio. Not a good combination.

It wasn’t hard to figure out that the guys won it again. And then using Jose Conesco’s departure as a reason, he brought La Toya back in as the newest member of Team Backbone. They seemed to welcome her with open arms but we’ll see how things go next week.

And, … just before things started getting good in the boardroom, President Obama gave Donald Trump his comeuppance. He preempted the end of Celebrity Apprentice to give us the very good news that we’d finally taken out Osama Bin Laden. Yes, Obama trumped Trump.

I did find out however, that Nene lived to rant and rail another week, while Hope and her little bunny ears took the long drive to nowhere in the cab.

Celebrity Apprentice ... Winning at Losing

She lost her voice and her chance to
be the next Celebrity Apprentice.

Although I’m glad he’s gone, the absence of Big Wednesday was palpable on last night’s Celebrity Apprentice. They tried to get Meat Loaf to bring the crazy but that didn’t work. Nene Leakes did bring some crazy but not any Busey crazy. Oh well! Life goes on.

And so we have another week and another challenge. This week’s challenge involved the Trump hotels. Each team had to produce a four-page ad for the Trump Hotel Collection and deliver a presentation on their advertisement.

This was definitely outside of the men’s wheelhouse. So between Meat, Lil Jon and Jon Rich, JR stepped up to the project manager plate. This was, however, a no-brainer for the women. Star Jones who would tell us many times over the next two hours, loved luxury and wanted to take on the task.

Backbone had a hard time with the concept. Even after a visit from the Trump executives, they had a hard time. In fact, neither team seemed to hear what the executives were saying. They said, very clearly, they wanted something different and not a run-of-the-mill hotel ad.

Backbone came up with a concept called Live the Life which involved photos of the outside of the hotels, a server with a napkin draped over his arm and a shirt and tie photo that was suppose to remind people of Donald Trump (say it with me ‘run-of-the-mill’). Oh yeah, all four pages had paragraphs of text.

Over at A.S.A.P. Star, of course, had a fabulous idea. She’d have four different photo that emphasized luxury: Hope in a tub surrounded by rose petals, two other scenes and a big ‘ladies who lunch’ theme with all of them around the table. As LaToya said, it was not very original; but it was a Star Jones production.

In her bossy bougie element, Star set out assigning tasks and telling people what to do. She wanted Nene and LaToya to go shopping together … or maybe not. The bad feelings between those two finally boiled over and Star made the wise decision to stop everything and have them sort out their differences. After the ladies got on the same page, they thought they’d be unstoppable … but of course, all that love didn’t last long.

Forgetting about NYC traffic, the girls didn’t get back on time which put several of the photo shoots behind schedule. As Nene tried to set up her scene with Hope, Star stood behind her barking orders. Of course, Nene barked back. It was ugly … but made for good reality TV.

Putting the ads together was only half of the task. The other half was the presentation. The guys talked about their experiences at the hotels. Star took over for the ladies and had the girls back her up with random words that promoted the hotel. It was okay the first time but after that the random chorus of words “Luxurious.” “Sophisticated.” “Classic.” It got real old, real fast.

Ironically, it was the judges who provided a lot of the laughs. One of the executives compared Star’s ad to an ad for a sleazy club that someone would stick under your windshield. They also pointed out that Hope, the Playmate of the Year, was wearing a towel in the tub and drinking from an unopened bottle of champagne. When Donald Trump asked them about the ads, one of them said "It was more a car wreck than an ad campaign.” In fact, they didn’t even want to pick a winner, saying "This is really a case of the lesser of two evils. There really isn’t a winner. The loser is…"

And the loser was, … the women. Star was stunned.

Next Nene accused Hope and Marlee of ‘crawling up Star’s ass.’ At this point, the man who wants to be the nation’s president said, “By the way, much nicer now that she lost all the weight." Clearly, crawling up Star Jones’s ass must be a much more pleasant experience now that she’s slimmer! Yes, this is definitely the man I want talking to various heads of state.

Since Marlee and Hope had very little to do with the task, it was easy to figure out that both Nene and La Toya were coming back into the board room. Although Star was the project manager, she wasn’t going down without a fight. It all came down to who was the ‘weakest player’ and although she rallied and really did try to defend herself, La Toya ended up taking that long limo ride to where ever. In a telling move, on her way to the elevator, she hugged Nene goodbye and gave Star a very cold shoulder. Brrrr!

Celebrity Apprentice: No More Big Wednesday!

Let's hope Big Wednesday is a little more
impressive than his thumb? Then again, I
really don't want to know that...

Dearest blog reader,

I apologize for being MIA these past few days. Work has been intense. It all kicked off on Sunday (and I normally don’t work weekends). What should have been a few hours ended up being just over 13! And it’s been crazy all week. So I did make it home in time to see Mr. Busey go bust, but writing about it just wasn’t going to happen.

So for this week, I’m going to keep it short. If you want a full recap of the show, check this out. Instead I’m going to leave you with my impressions.

The Task
Omaha Steaks were the featured product. Each team had to conduct a live cooking demonstration with three meals designed for three different occassions. They also had to create a variety pack showcasing various Omaha Steak products.

It Was About Time
I’ve enjoyed the bizarreness of Gary Busey as much as the next Apprentice fan but it was time for him to go. The kookiness was beginning to wear a little thin and at this point for him to stay would have meant that better and more dedicated players would have had to leave.

However, in his time as project manager, he proved why he should go. In the end, his decision to make Meat Loaf the chef for the task was a good idea. However, the way he did it (with no discussion with his team) was not executed well. The questions he asked to the executives for Ohama Steaks were off-the-mark ("What states do the cattle come from?" "How are they slaughtered?"). The fact that Lil Jon and John Rich just stood there and played no part whatsoever during the demonstration was noted too.

Yet, the best example of Busey-ness came during the demonstration when Gary had to talk about the occasions each dish were made for. His Father’s Day story about the kids cooking dinner for dad started off touching, moving and in line with the product. Then he veered off into kite territory. The kids got him a kite as a gift and they went outside to fly it together. Sure at the end, the kite said something about Omaha Steaks but by that time, you could see the “WTF?” looks on the faces of the audience.

In fact, when he re-told that story in the boardroom, you could see everyone stifling their laughter … including The Donald. The only one who was serious about it was Gary Busey. Yes, it was time for him to go.

John Rich FTW
I’m down with John Rich for the win. I’m loving this guy more and more every week. He’s a hard worker. He’s creative (he’s come up with some great jingles). He raised over a half million dollars for his charity. He plays it straight and best of all … he ain’t taking no crap.

He saw right through Gary Busey saying he was either crazy or a brilliant saboteur and he went with the latter. When Gary stepped to him and inquired about their relationship he told him exactly what he thought. He didn’t backtrack or mince words. He said exactly what he meant.

Apparently, there was an incident off camera where Gary called John ‘boy’ and, oh boy, that did not sit well with John! He went off about it several times. Gary denied it. Of course, he’d also denied tons of stuff we’d seen him do, so I kind of do believe he said it.

Hope What’s-Her-Name
The Playmate of the Year (because let’s be honest, with her unpronounceable last name, that’s what we all know her as) stepped up to manage the project. Who knows if she could have been a good project manager. I would like to know but Star saw her chance and pretty much managed the task herself. When the women in the board room called Hope a good manager, it was laughable.

La Toya Jackson
She can’t make a burger. Sure, as she said, she grew up with cooks, but really? She’s one of the oldest Jacksons (I think), so you mean to tell me Katherine never taught them how to make a burger way back in the day when they were still in Gary, Indiana? When she started the fire in the kitchen it was ridiculous. The only think more ridiculous was the comment Nene made about her trying to recreate the Pepsi/MJ hair on fire moment.

Next Week
Looking forward to the Star/Nene blow-up, Without Gary Busey, I'm counting on that duo to bring the crazy and I don’t think they’ll disappoint.

Celebrity Apprentice: Fool's Gold

Yes, Mark, I'm just as perplexed as you
are. Exactly what does Gary Busey have
to do to get fired?????

If he didn’t know it before, Gary Busey emerged from last week’s boardroom knowing he had a target on his back. He wasn’t happy about that. Yet, the focus quickly turned to the record-setting amount of money the teams made. Focusing on the win/win provided a desperately needed positive vibe.

The Project: This week’s project would be all about Australian Gold sun care products. Both teams would have to work with a 10 x 10 glass box and determine a theme for the products that would start in the box but also incorporate the area outside of the box. They’d be judged on creativity, brand messaging and what was going on outside and around the box.

The PMs: Mark McGrath stepped up quickly for the guys, as did LaToya for the women.

Backbone
The guys started brainstorming and immediately came up with a pirate theme. They’d dress up as pirates and feature lots of hot chicks! In true rocker fashion, Mark stated, “You can never get enough chicks.” Meat Loaf, when noting that ASAP had a former Playmate of the Year on their team, said the guys had to “fight cleavage with cleavage.”

In the first of several significant moments, Gary Busey gave everybody a creepy feeling. When the representatives from Australian Gold came to talk with the guys, he interjected, “It [Australian Gold products] gives you a sexual feeling.” Immediately I got a scary visual of Gary using some Australian Gold lotion to feel ‘sexual’ and threw up in my mouth a little bit. You could see one of the female representatives actually squirming in her chair (I think she had the same visual).

In a wise move, Mark sent Gary and Lil Jon (to babysit Gary) to the costume store while he, John Rich and Meat, got down to the business of the task. When they met with the builders for the box, they knew exactly what they wanted and the builders got busy creating it.

Their box looked good. The costumes worked and the boys even had a jingle/chant about Australian Gold. Tons of fun, great energy, everything was going well until the AG reps showed up and Gary hijacked them. He went on one of his passionate, rambling, nonsensical speeches and then started trying to pitch himself as an Australian Gold spokesperson. When Mark, tried to come over and redirect the conversation and get it back on task, Gary gave him a little shove. Eventually, the guys did get it back on track, but the damage had been done.

ASAP
Speaking of damages, ASAP’s brainstorming was more like brain drizzling – very light and misty. La Toya eventually came up with a gold guy and girl (models) painted in gold and having fun in the sun. It wasn’t original, but no one had anything else. It was almost as if the girls (especially Nene and Star) wanted to lose so they could get rid of her.

Since this seemed right up Hope’s alley, even though it was cold, she offered to be the bikini girl. La Toya didn’t agree. Apparently, she thought a former Playmate of the Year would be better utilized as a shopper on the task instead of the face (and body) of the task.

With no clear vision, they headed into their meeting with the builders of the box. The looks on the builders’ faces were priceless as they quickly realized that the plan was that there was no plan. The girls ended up making their own box.

The only thing La Toya really wanted was sand. She wanted lots and lots of sand. She called Nene and asked them to bring 125 fifty pound bags of sand to the site. Marlee did some quick math and determined that was over 6,000 pounds!

At the last minute, La Toya, scared that her idea wasn’t creative enough, added a snow scene to her ’vision’ because you need sun screen on snowy days too. So they had a box with a gold painted guy fanning a girl and outside the box a beach volleyball game to one side and snow on the other. And this was creative?

No it wasn’t and when Donald Jr. popped by the display Nene couldn’t wait to tell them how badly her team sucked and what a terrible project manager La Toya was. And, … she did it while holding up the head of the koala costume she had to wear.

Boardroom
Of course, before the boardroom the Australian Gold reps had to talk to Trump about the winner. They too had hoped that Hope would show off her ass…ets for Australian Gold.



Against all odds ASAP one and La Toya lived to annoy her team yet another day … if Nene didn’t kill her first. The women were dismissed and went to watch the proceedings on TV. Instead of being happy about pulling out a win, Nene went after La Toya for going after her in the boardroom (even though Nene has gone after La Toya with every opportunity she’s had … including the koala conversation with Donald Jr). She called La Toya “old” and told her she needed to act her age. She also called her “Casper the Ghost” which was hateful but kind of true (you know how those Jacksons love to look light!).

Mark McGrath threw himself on the sword saying if the pirate theme was the problem that he’d be the one who had to go. When Trump asked his team who should go everyone agreed … Gary. So it came down to Mark and Gary and even though he hasn’t contributed anything to any project (but kookiness), Trump kept Gary and fired Mark McGrath (who is crazy hot when he doesn’t have his hair slicked back Gordon Gekko style).

Celebrity Apprentice: For Those Who like Their Meatloaf Kind Of Spicy

Nobody puts Meat Loaf in a corner!

I was excited for this episode for two reasons. First, it was the first Dionne-free episode. Second, they've been hyping up the Meat Loaf meltdown all week and I wanted to see it in all of its beefy glory.

The Task: The teams were challenged to get artistic. They had to create works of art to be auctioned off. They also had to each design a baseball hat and the person with the best design would win $25,000 for their charity.

The PMs: John Rich stepped up immediately for Backbone. Both La Toya Jackson and Marlee Matlin jumped up for the women with Marlee taking the lead.

Before the task got underway, Jose Conseco approached The Donald. His father, who was suffering from cancer, had taken a turn for the worst and he would have to leave the show. My assumption is he won't be back. Trump said he would donate $25,000 to his charity.

Backbone
John Rich made it clear upfront that his goal was to raise as much money as possible. He wanted to show that he was a cowboy who wasn't "all hat and no cattle."  He told everyone to call in all of their big donors because at the end of the day it was about the money and the charity. He was having some big wigs fly up from Nashville and he expected the rest of the celebrity apprentices to follow his lead.

It was off to Michael's for art supplies. Gary Busey asked Meat Loaf to buy his supplies and Meat got a little ticked off. Since Meat's artistic vision involved basketballs, he and Mark McGrath headed over to a sporting goods store and Mark tried to diffuse some of the tension.

Back at their studio space, all of the guys were finding their supplies and getting started. As best as I can tell, Meat and Gary got a lot of the same items. When Meat couldn't find his bag, he went off on Gary. I mean yelled, screamed, tried to get in his face. Gary wisely (yes, I just said "Gary wisely") chose not to respond. McGrath and Rich separated the guys and John Rich reminded them that this was all about charity. Then Meat found his bag of art supplies, so all of the drama was over nothing. While tensions still simmered they were able to get work done. In fact, they worked together so well, that they got to their studio space and set up early.

Now that he'd had time to cool off, a teary-eyed Meat Loaf (or would that be soggy Meat Loaf) offered an apology to Busey. Busey accepted his apology and offered his 'definition' of forgive: Finding Ourselves Really Giving Individuals Valuable Energy.

When it was time to open the doors, they had an impressive line of people waiting to get in. As Lil Jon offered, "It felt good to be rolling in the dough when you open the do'." They got $5,000 in cash from former Celebrity Apprentice and country singer Trace Adkins, not to mention, a few really large sales and donations including one for $470,000.

Richard Hatch was extremely nervous because as a reality star recently paroled from prison, he really didn't have friends with deep pockets. He did his best to drum up sales but he really wasn't pulling in the big bucks. He put a lot of effort into his baseball hat design, coming up with one that included little roses. The hat prompted Lil Jon to say, "Damn Richard! That's a really gay ass hat! But, hey, that's you."

ASAP
Marlee Matlin wasn't having it! She started of saying there would be no backstabbing or fighting and that the women would come together. Period. It seemed to work as the women got through the Michael's shopping spree in one piece.

Marlee stated plainly (to the camera and not the group) that it was time for La Toya to step up her game. And La Toya did step up in a big way. She donated one of her brother Michael's t-shirts. It was a very limited edition of the last shirt he had approved for his tour before he passed. It was autographed and she carried it around with her daily. She knew he was all about charity and said he would have wanted her to donate it.

The ladies put some serious work into their art but it put them behind time wise. They ended up stuck in Friday evening New York traffic and didn't arrive at the studio until 30 minutes before they were set to open. In fact, several guys from Backbone (Mark and Lil Jon) decided to take a peek at how the ladies were setting up and were shocked to find their space empty.

At first, with smaller crowds and their late start, it looked like the girls were easily facing their fourth loss in a row, but Marlee and company didn't just work the crowds they worked the phones and the email. Star manned the email and the phone and started taking in some major orders.

The Boardroom
Both groups did amazing, according to Trump. In fact, in this one episode, they raised more money than they had in an entire season. John Rich was confident that Backbone had won. Marlee was just as confident. So before announcing a winner Trump asked the two if they wanted to strike a deal. Because so much money was earned, Trump wanted the loser to be able to keep the money they earned for his/her charity. They quickly agreed.

And the winner was ... ASAP! Marlee broke the losing streak by earning $986,000. John Rich wasn't too shabby either. Backbone earned over $600,000. Since she was so close , Trump donated another $14,000 to Marlee so she made a cool million.

La Toya proved herself not just with the t-shirt but by winning the baseball hat design challenge and earning $25,000 for her charity and her team.

Since Jose had left and both teams had earned a boatload of money, Trump left it up to the ladies to decide who, if anyone, should be sent home. Since they had suffered so many loses, they agreed that one of the guys had to go.

Trump let the ladies sit in on the elimination and offer their own opinions. Not surprisingly, the guys wanted Gary gone. Marlee came to his defense touting him as a creative force. The tides then turned to the one who earned the least money ... Richard Hatch. Without even giving him a chance to defend himself, he was fired.

Celebrity Apprentice: Ding! Dong! The Witch is Gone!



Do you know the way to the Boardroom? Ha! I'll say a
little prayer for Dionne Warwick. Lawd knows she needs one!

As Team ASAP returned from the board room minus Nikki Taylor, the girls were not happy campers, having lost the RV challenge to a team lead by Gary Busey. They huddled together to lick their wounds after two loses in a row.
There wasn’t much time to sulk, though because there was another task on deck. This time, they’d be making a 30 second commercial for ACN (a multi-level marketing company) and their new videophone. Without hesitation, Nene (who has to be well over six feet tall) stepped up for ASAP and based on his experience directing videos and marketing himself, Lil Jon (who really is very little) stepped up for Backbone.

The girls were off to a good start with a suggestion from Dionne Warwick. She suggested they have her on one phone singing in a studio while working with an engineer in another city on a recording. The girls loved the idea.

The guys were the first group to work with the ACN rep. The ACN guy kept emphasizing emotion and connecting face-to-face with family and friends. Then, completely out of left field, Jose Conseco asks about communicating with others … beyond this planet. Huh? He elaborated by saying, "Communicating with aliens in a very positive, very personal, very funny way." Of course! It all makes sense now!

Luckily for their sake, the guys kept brainstorming. Lil Jon wanted something hip and envelope-pushing and the concept they came up with was just that. They’d have a guy talking to his parents and introducing his fiance … another guy! And not just any guy but Jose!

After meeting with the ACN rep, the ladies of ASAP decided they needed something with more emotion. They decided to go with a young girl who had gone to Paris for an exchange program who called home. Not only did she get to see her parents but she got to sign with her deaf mother (Marlee Maitlin).

Nene had her work cut out for her when assigning tasks. LaToya explained that due to her recent Lasik surgery she could barely see. Nene set her up as the time keeper. So for the rest of the episode, she periodically shouted times and told people it was time to go … not exactly a critical task.

Hope opted out of creating a PowerPoint presentation, opting instead to shop for set pieces. The only people who really worked hard for Nene were Star and Marlee.

Back on Backbone, Richard was contributing by assisting with Jose’s wardrobe. He was the gay ‘technical advisor.’ But we can’t go through a recap without at least one quizzical/disturbing/confusing Gary Busy moment.

Busey was cast as the father who setup the video phone to talk to his son. His wardrobe was simple, a robe. And what was under the robe? Absolutely nothing. Busey was going commando and the actress playing his wife got more than a peek when his robe opened up. He leaned over and asked her, if she got a look at “Big Wednesday.” Apparently, that’s what Busey’s fiancee calls his ‘apparatus’. I don’t know if that actress had nightmares about that whole scene but I did.

Meanwhile, the women waited for Dionne and Hope to return with the set pieces while LaToya walked around and told the time. These two weren’t the fastest horses out of the gate. Think about it? We have Hope, who just last week didn’t know what century we are in, and Dionne “Molasses Ass” Warwick out together. Did anyone expect speedy and quick from these two?

When they did get back, Dionne snapped into beyotch mode (is she ever really OUT of beyotch mode?) when others tried to help her set up her area. Finally, they made it through taping and then were off to editing. Well, almost all of them were off to editing. While Nene and Marlee did most of the work, the others on the team stayed in the editing bay as well to show their support, except for Ms. Dionne, who went home and went to sleep. I wish Nene would have called her on it. However, her absence was noted by Donald Jr.

When it was time to make the presentations, we had two very different commercials to choose from. Watch both here. I enjoyed both presentations and both commercials. The boardroom was going to be interesting.

I knew it was going to be close but I didn’t expect Nene to break out with the waterworks. She was so emotional, she broke down and cried. She really wanted to win and take some money to her charity, Twisted Hearts which helps abused women. Unfortunately, she didn’t win. And the ladies of ASAP were handed their third loss in a row.

Nene didn’t have to bring two women back into the boardroom, they all stayed. While her team members applauded her management style, Nene got taken to task for letting Dionne Warwick leave during editing. Dionne said she asked permission, Nene said she just up and left. When I reviewed the tape, it looks like she up and left and Nene didn’t stop her (but that could be editing).

Anyway, it came down to Dionne and LaToya and Dionne feeling victimized, offered to leave. She said she’d go. By the time she started to stand up and fight for herself, it was too late she was fired. I stood up and cheered. I’ve never been so happy to see someone get canned on this show. I’ve been disappointed. I’m been shocked. I’ve been surprised. Last night I was giddy. I actually jumped up and cheered. Good riddance!

According to previews for next week, we get to see what was termed as a “Meat Loaf Meltdown”! How much do you want to bet that he threatens to whip Busey like a side of mashed potatoes???

Celebrity Apprentice: Busey's the Boss



Would you want this to
be your boss?

 The train wreck that is Celebrity Apprentice chugs along. We’ve got the bossy covered in Star Jones, the diva in Dionne Warwick, the asshole in Jose Conseco, and the totally crazy in Gary Busey.  

This week’s task revolved around Camping World. The teams got to pick two RVs and create a complete outdoor experience while showcasing as many Camping World products as possible. The first task was to pick a project manager. ASAP went with Niki Taylor, none of the Sista Set (Star, Nene, Dionne) volunteered because as Nene said, “I’m black. I ain’t never slept outside.”

That sentiment was shared by Lil Jon (who actually is really little) when he said, “I’m the black guy. We don’t go camping.” I can agree with both of them, that’s pretty true. Anyway, they ended up with super model Niki Taylor heading Team ASAP and … wait for it … Gary Busey representing Team Backbone.

When it came to picking the RVs, Backbone went with the big flashy ones while ASAP chose the more middle class ones with the family feel.

You know what? Instead of doing the rest of this recap in chronological order, I want to tackle the personalities that made this episode interesting.

Gary Busey

It started with him and Meat Loaf as they came out of the boardroom from the week before. Meat had accused Busey of not being focused and he responded with, "Don't tell me what I'm not doing when I'm doing what you don't think I'm doing." I didn’t get it either, but he said it with such conviction that there had to be some truth (and sense) in it somewhere.

After he became PM, he went over to the president of Camping World, shook his hand and said charmingly, "I know nothing is free, but my heart to your heart is free." The president just nodded and smiled. Honestly, what else could he do?

As the task progressed, it became pretty clear that there was no plan in place, but that didn’t mean Gary Busey wasn’t busy being entertaining. He explained how he enjoys making definitions for words using the letters in the words. For example, Lucky is Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly. Freedom is Facing Real Exciting Energy Developing Out Miracles. Of course team is Together Everyone Achieves More, although I’m not sure what everyone on Backbone was supposed to be achieving.

Jose Conseco

Jose could mean Judgemental Oversized Selfish and Egotistical … not to mention lazy. He did nothing but complain, nod off, sit next to Gary and toss a baseball. I was never into him, but now, I’m so over him.

Star Jones

Speaking of big egos, Star started the episode upset that no one had her back in the boardroom. She vowed she would not interfere in the next task or try to manage the manager. However, Star is always the boss or as Gary Busey might say Being an Overbearingly Smug Smartass. She monopolized the conversation with the Camping Word rep and used every conceivable opportunity to make Niki Taylor look like an imbecile. Speaking of …

Niki Taylor

The former supermodel had such a laid-back style that at times she didn’t really seem to have a style. Her ‘moment’ came when she and fellow model Hope Dworaczyk (2010 Playmate of the Year … yeah, I didn’t know who she was either) couldn’t figure out whether this was the 20th or 21st Century, which was the theme Niki came up with. Hope added that she knew a century was 100 years because there are 100 cents in a dollar. Mmmmkay…

Dionne Warwick

To return to Busey-speak for a minute, Dionne is a diva, Developing Into a Vicious Ass. She referred repeatedly to Niki as a hussy which was completely uncalled for, plus (and I know she’s older) she’s as slow as molasses. Niki sent her to Bed, Bath and Beyond with an hour to spare and as we saw her meandering slowly towards the entrance, we knew she would not be back in time. LOL!



Mark McGrath

Haven’t heard too much from him yet, but loved how ticked off he was at Jose for doing nothing. His attempt to get ‘evidence’ by taking a video of Busey and Conseco playing catch could have been a shrewd move. I’m looking forward to seeing him as a PM.


So back to the task, ASAP looked good. LaTonya Jackson actually did an excellent job giving the tour of  the RVs. While their RV looked good on the inside, the outside left a lot to be desired. They didn’t even have a Camping World sign displayed. The guys had a rocky start, but both Richard Hatch and Mark McGrath had plants brought in which gave the RV in NYC a more rustic look. They also had nice signage. Although they seemed like a long shot, the boys pulled it together and actually made this a competition.

In the boardroom, the boys actually won. So, Gar Busey lived to rant another day. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for Niki Taylor who took full responsibility for the girl’s loss and got sent home. Star gave her props for being ‘classy’ but we all know she was just glad not to have been brought back into the boardroom.

As Niki left, the rest of Team ASAP rallied around her, giving her hugs and telling her they ‘loved her.’ I actually threw up in my mouth a little bit. Their ‘sweetness’ came across like rancid candy. Ewww!

Celebrity Apprentice: Kids and Claws

No one paid Lisa Rinna
any lip service. But Donald
liked her lips anyway.

This week’s task involved writing a children’s book and performing it in front of a group of precocious 4 and 5 year olds. No one on either team was eager to take on the project management for this task. A hesitant Meatloaf stepped up for team Backbone. Over at ASAP, Lisa Rinna was pushed by the rest of the ladies to take the helm (later Nene Leakes said this was part of a strategy to get rid of the Lip-Injected One).

The teams were told that their idea had to be original and the story had to revolve around one of their team members. So, let the brainstorming begin!

Mark McGrath showed some leadership skills when he stepped up for the guys and led the discussion. Before long they had come up with a story that revolved around Lil Jon as the new kid in school. After hearing it was difficult to make a story that rhymed, country singer John Rich rose to the challenge, determined to make a rhyme that worked.

Meanwhile baseball player and author (Lawd please don’t forget to include author), Jose Conseco was adamant as he voiced his ‘concern’ about the concept – mainly they couldn’t say that EVERYONE disliked Lil Jon because everyone would include his teacher and teachers shouldn’t dislike students. This played out a little too long but eventually Conseco got his way, if for no other reason than the team wanted to move on.

Well, there wasn’t a lot of moving over at ASAP. They eventually decided to build their story around LaToya Jackson, who’d play a young lion who didn’t know how to roar. Marlee Matlin suggested building the story around her so that she could teach the kids some cool sign language. Dionne Warwick quickly pooh-poohed that idea. After all, according to Dionne, the whole ‘deaf’ thing was a big downer and who wanted to depress the kids?

Of course, Marlee took offense and her fingers started flying. If her interpreter left a few of her choice words out, I’d understand. She was livid and rightly so. Nene’s take of the fight was hysterical, if not politically correct, as she attempted to mimic Marlee’s angry signing. And thus began a night filled with cat fights.

The claws were definitely out. The ladies hissed at Niki Taylor for suggesting their theme was a little bit mature for pre-schoolers and kindergarteners. Star and Lisa faced off over the book cover. Dionne and Lisa feuded over the music. Both Dionne and Star went up against Ms. Rinna when they wanted their names, and not the team name on the book’s cover. After all, they reasoned, Dionne ‘conceived’ the idea and Star ‘wrote’ it. In their world, no one else helped.

Conseco continued to play the bitch role over with the boys. Meatloaf accidentally sent them to the wrong location and, instead of getting over it, Conseco harped about it to anyone who’d listen. He also went on about Meatloaf not answering his phone. Who cares? Nobody but Jose!

Meatloaf got the last laugh though when he cast Conseco in the role of the teacher ... the female teacher. In a gray-haired wig, ugly dress and heels, Jose Conseco made a damn ugly woman. The only thing worse than his female impersonation was his acting skills. His delivery was as wooden as Pinocchio. It was painful to watch.

And watch we did. We had to watch both performances which included Star Jones as a barky dog and Gary Busey as the scariest five-year old I’ve ever seen.

Holly Robinson Peete, last year’s Celebrity Apprentice winner, was on hand as a judge and while she enjoyed both performances and books, there was a clear winner.

In the boardroom, Dionne knew ASAP had the win. Yet, Meatloaf had the most honest answer of the night. When Trump asked him who he’d bring back into the boardroom if they lost, he said whoever complained about him the most.

Alas, he didn’t have to worry about that. The guys won and one of the girls would be going home. Almost to a person they threw Lisa under the bus. They all hated her management style, her lack of organization and just about everything about her. Donald Trump did like one thing though … her lips ... or to be more specific, the fact that she had less lips now than she did a year ago. Yes, they actually discussed her lip reduction.

As if there was any doubt, she returned to the boardroom with Dionne and Star. Unfortunately, Lisa was too honest, admitting she had a lot to learn and that she was pushed into the PM role. Lisa was the first of the ladies to go, leaving us wondering who Star will go after next.