Monday, March 14, 2011

Celebrity Apprentice: Kids and Claws

No one paid Lisa Rinna
any lip service. But Donald
liked her lips anyway.
This week’s task involved writing a children’s book and performing it in front of a group of precocious 4 and 5 year olds. No one on either team was eager to take on the project management for this task. A hesitant Meatloaf stepped up for team Backbone. Over at ASAP, Lisa Rinna was pushed by the rest of the ladies to take the helm (later Nene Leakes said this was part of a strategy to get rid of the Lip-Injected One).

The teams were told that their idea had to be original and the story had to revolve around one of their team members. So, let the brainstorming begin!

Mark McGrath showed some leadership skills when he stepped up for the guys and led the discussion. Before long they had come up with a story that revolved around Lil Jon as the new kid in school. After hearing it was difficult to make a story that rhymed, country singer John Rich rose to the challenge, determined to make a rhyme that worked.

Meanwhile baseball player and author (Lawd please don’t forget to include author), Jose Conseco was adamant as he voiced his ‘concern’ about the concept – mainly they couldn’t say that EVERYONE disliked Lil Jon because everyone would include his teacher and teachers shouldn’t dislike students. This played out a little too long but eventually Conseco got his way, if for no other reason than the team wanted to move on.

Well, there wasn’t a lot of moving over at ASAP. They eventually decided to build their story around LaToya Jackson, who’d play a young lion who didn’t know how to roar. Marlee Matlin suggested building the story around her so that she could teach the kids some cool sign language. Dionne Warwick quickly pooh-poohed that idea. After all, according to Dionne, the whole ‘deaf’ thing was a big downer and who wanted to depress the kids?

Of course, Marlee took offense and her fingers started flying. If her interpreter left a few of her choice words out, I’d understand. She was livid and rightly so. Nene’s take of the fight was hysterical, if not politically correct, as she attempted to mimic Marlee’s angry signing. And thus began a night filled with cat fights.

The claws were definitely out. The ladies hissed at Niki Taylor for suggesting their theme was a little bit mature for pre-schoolers and kindergarteners. Star and Lisa faced off over the book cover. Dionne and Lisa feuded over the music. Both Dionne and Star went up against Ms. Rinna when they wanted their names, and not the team name on the book’s cover. After all, they reasoned, Dionne ‘conceived’ the idea and Star ‘wrote’ it. In their world, no one else helped.

Conseco continued to play the bitch role over with the boys. Meatloaf accidentally sent them to the wrong location and, instead of getting over it, Conseco harped about it to anyone who’d listen. He also went on about Meatloaf not answering his phone. Who cares? Nobody but Jose!

Meatloaf got the last laugh though when he cast Conseco in the role of the teacher ... the female teacher. In a gray-haired wig, ugly dress and heels, Jose Conseco made a damn ugly woman. The only thing worse than his female impersonation was his acting skills. His delivery was as wooden as Pinocchio. It was painful to watch.

And watch we did. We had to watch both performances which included Star Jones as a barky dog and Gary Busey as the scariest five-year old I’ve ever seen.

Holly Robinson Peete, last year’s Celebrity Apprentice winner, was on hand as a judge and while she enjoyed both performances and books, there was a clear winner.

In the boardroom, Dionne knew ASAP had the win. Yet, Meatloaf had the most honest answer of the night. When Trump asked him who he’d bring back into the boardroom if they lost, he said whoever complained about him the most.

Alas, he didn’t have to worry about that. The guys won and one of the girls would be going home. Almost to a person they threw Lisa under the bus. They all hated her management style, her lack of organization and just about everything about her. Donald Trump did like one thing though … her lips ... or to be more specific, the fact that she had less lips now than she did a year ago. Yes, they actually discussed her lip reduction.

As if there was any doubt, she returned to the boardroom with Dionne and Star. Unfortunately, Lisa was too honest, admitting she had a lot to learn and that she was pushed into the PM role. Lisa was the first of the ladies to go, leaving us wondering who Star will go after next.

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